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#WFH: Boundary Issues at Home

Sometimes we do not see boundary issues as what they really are because we are trying to people-please, or we want to be wanted. If you take on a problem that belongs to someone else, you have made their problems more important than your own priorities. That will get you into trouble. If someone is making decisions for you, has expectations you do not agree with, takes your stuff, demands your time or is constantly complaining, it is time to look at yourself. This is probably a boundary issue.

Your sense of self and social identity can make it difficult to say “no” to people. If you feel inferior or are worried about approval, fear consequences and feel manipulated, you might want to re-evaluate your choices. Who are you making more important than you? There are old sayings that remain popular for a reason: “Good fences make good neighbors” and “Do not mix business with pleasure” have some truth to them. Boundaries and responsible choices help you keep your limits in check. Not all relationships have the same impact on you. Not all significant others have the same significance. The more significant they are to you, the more they can influence your self-concepts.

Strong boundaries are good for everyone and they are essential to survival working in the virtual environment. The Pajama Effect makes you more open, less protected and more vulnerable to boundary disputes. The safety you felt when you had the corner office with the windows and the brass name tag mounted on the door doesn’t exist in the virtual world. You are more out in the open, available and vulnerable. Setting boundaries requires a positive and constructive frame of mind. It also helps to have a sense of humor and to be creative. You can mix business and pleasure, but cautiously. It all starts with defining what you want and where you are going to set limits. You want to be focused on how you are making the choices you need to make in order to achieve your priorities.

In the virtual environment, it means you also need to be aware of what is going on with you. This starts with being aware of your thoughts. What are you thinking about all day long? Your conscious mind is within you control. You can control your thoughts but not if you are on autopilot. To make responsible choices, be aware of what you are choosing.

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